bittersweet.

"Sometimes love can come and pass you byWhile you're busy making plansSuddenly hit you, and then you realize it's out of your hands" -Beyonce, I am Sasha Fierce

it's funny how people you've only known for 4 months, learn to know who you are inside and out. what scares me is that i won't make the nursing program while everyone else will. what scares me most is that i have the potential of making the program, but my best friends, the people who have helped me earn that potential, might not.

we always complain about studying, more than we study and thats what brought us together. having one thing to hate, while learning all our similarities in the process. it's hard to believe that our first semester of college is over, and that we might not be seeing all of each other next semester. but regardless of the outcome, we all know how hard we worked, all the nights we barely slept to study. our random jokes about science that makes us sound like such nerds in the real world. our endless food runs to keep our stomach's satisfied for the late night ahead. and our famous quote "if i was the teacher, i'd give you an A, you'd get a labcoat"

if we don't all get into the program your still invited to my wedding. and we will always be CRU with a U (even though that sounds so lame.) thanks for being what i loved about school the most.

smiles.

since this thing is always filed with such sad posts its time indeed for a happy one. 

even though i have a huge micro test this wednesday, finals next monday, tuesday, wednesday and two more finals the week after, I've found a way to make me smile by thinking about thanksgiving, christmas, and BREAK :)

i love love love love love love love love christmas.  however, i feel so kawawa for thanksgiving,no one gives it a chance.  its such an unloved holiday, like just look at everywhere you go now its all decorated for christmas KOST 103.5 even started playing their christmas songs already. poor thanksgiving.  anyway i cannot wait to go shopping, be home, hang out with my family, and FINALLY take a break from school. ah, just thinking about christmas makes me happy.  during halloween i was excited for christmas, you can probably feel my excitement by just reading this.  i wanted to go decorate the bushes and trees outside my building but they might kick me out.  kay i need to go do something productive! ah i love christmas. 

here's a haiku: 

christmas songs and trees

lets take pictures with santa

cookies and milk,fat.

the hated, the forgotten, & the loved.

Dear ________, 

There are only a handful of people that I can say I hate and by chance or fate, whichever you prefer, you are one of them.  

Dear________, 

You may have started by having good intentions, but now I consider you a for lack of a better word, a bad friend.  I apologize for giving up on our friendship, but I just don't care and apparently neither do you.  

Dear________, 

Thanks for impacting my life so much that i can actually say i miss you and mean it.  I actually make an effort to keep our friendship, I know I'm always busy with studying and what not, but don't think i forgot about you.

*these are the 3 types of people I have in my life: the hated, the forgotten, and the loved.  decide for yourself what you are. 

sleep?

by far I have gotten the least amount of sleep this week.
wednesday night, well actually thursday morning i was going to sleep at around 1am and my friend jocelyn was going to sleep over in my room and as we walk to my room we smell smoke
and see fire on a mountain right next to our mountain. didn't really care much cause we were gonna go to sleep until our other friend adrienne told us that they told her to pack so we decided
to go help her pack. then all hell brakes loose and everyone on campus starts packing cause 6 firetrucks make their way up the mountain to come protect us. and as this is all occuring, i don't really care about the fire but whether or not i'm going to have anatomy with chang chang in the morning. so long story short, everyone was going crazy, i was having the time of my life watching them pack as if the fire was already buring our mountain. so we all pretty much stayed up till about 5am. we ate breakfast at around 5:30 went to sleep at 6am and then woke up at 12:30pm finding out that classes were cancelled :]

as for thursday night we started studying at 4pm and were in the classrooms studying/playing and projecting youtube videos on the projector till about um 3am. and i've come to the conclusion that the best things happen when everyone is on crack due to the lack of sleep and hungryness. since we were hungry our friend bought us some mcdonalds and we ate at around 3:30am in the student lounge. where me, marc, kristina, rosanna, rachel, adrienne, justine, jocelyn, andrea, chelsey all tried to study but ended up everyone falling asleep at around 4:00am. marc didn't sleep and left at 6am to go sleep in his room, and i fell asleep at around 5:45am. then around 7am ish me, andrea, adrienne, jocelyn, chelsey, and justine woke up in the student lounge because people started to come in to use the computers and actually work, a bit awkward. anywhoo then i went back to my room slept till about 9am then woke up to get ready for my microbiology test. so i slept for about a little more than 3 hours.

i think i'm becoming nocturnal. oh the things that happen on the mountain.

you don't know until you've been through it

honestly, school is non-stop ever.  test after test, science class after science class.  i know it's possible and i know if i work my ass off i can do it.  but when the possible seems impossible, you're dreams seem that much harder to achieve.  you don't understand the shit that you have to go through just to get into the program. competition, competition, competition.  all you think about is whether or not your gonna make it.  Is that person going to take my spot, did i just fuck up my grade and lose my chance of getting in.  i don't want to seem rude or malicious, i know when people say "oh it's possible, you can do it" or "i'm sure you're gonna get in" they are trying to make a sincere effort to give  you that extra little push you need, but please don't tell me what i already know and don't give me false hope in something i'm not even sure i can do.  it's hard as hell but it's possible i know.  sometimes i think people try to downgrade how hard this shit is and comparing it to their own major or whatever their taking.  come to my classes, take my tests, think about all the people your competing with and then if you still feel that its not that hard, continue to downgrade, but just don't say shit to me.  everyone always says nursing hard, but damn I really never think it'd be this hard.  when the class average on a microbiology test was a 51% and the highest grade was a 81%, how can you say this isn't H.core

i really don't think you're gonna get the gist of what i'm feeling until you're actually in my place.   

to end on a happy, i really do appreciate those people who give some sort of encouragement.  well the appropriate encouragement and not the condescending type.  i love you guys and thanks, when i become a nurse i'll take care of your children if they have kidney problems! :]

and hook it up with free drugs, heeeey. 

funny how things work out.

to make things plain and simple, i've realized the people that matter to me in my life.  i won't beat around the bush there are people who i frankly don't consider to be my friends anymore.  and if you're reading this and your wondering if i consider you to still be my friend, then to tell you the truth we probably aren't if you had to question or wonder about it. but if you are really unsure about it, go ahead and ask me, i won't bite but if you are one of those people i don't consider my real friend you aren't going to like what i have to say to you.  

to be on a happier note i do love the friends i have now.  this whole college and distance thing really teaches you a lot about the strengths and weaknesses of friendships.  Claudette and Tracey probably live about 2 hours away yet i see them more than the people who live about 15mins from my house and aren't in school yet.  I had dinner with Tracey on friday just to talk about life and we literally spent the longest time just talking about everything.  it's not just because she actually picks me up to go hang out or eat dinner, she's always there when i need her even at 3am haha :]. i lover her to death and i love how the distance doesnt stop us from being friends.  Claudette, i know you will probably read this and all i have to say to you is that i love you to infiniti and beyond chunts, bestfriends forever and our kids will be best friends too! So i don't mean to single those two out but their i have to say thank you for putting effort into our friendship.  and a quick sidenote i can't imagine going to school with marc and ballada, they help keep me sane. so too claudi, trakez, marrrcos, kristinalynn, nikki jan, sean slater, carpz, justinhong kong, eric vee, and many others thanks for...caring in general i honestly love each of you.  and i'm sorry if i might have forgotten to add you, leave me a comment and i'll add you asap.  

and to add another side note school is fun, the people make it fun not the actual school part. but anyway here's a cute picture from my little surprise birthday shindig: 

btw. thanks for all the people that actually remembered my birthday i love you too, thanks for the texts, calls, etc :] 

you really made my day a lot better.  

so long

i get to move out tomorrow, exciting? sort of but it's more of a bittersweet feeling. it means i'm going to have to grow up and assume more responibilities, "growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional." not that i don't want to grow up i'm just not in a rush to. i guess the big part that i'm going to miss is being care/worry free.

it just makes me sad knowing that i won't get to see my friends everyday, we won't have our conversations that can carry on for hours about anything and everything. but i know that the friends who i'm supposed to have in my life will make the effort to stay in my life. and i'll make the effort to stay in theirs. but to be honest i've already started to loose the closeness i had with some people. a friendship can't stand when only one person is putting in effort, it needs to be reciprocated. like the saying goes "don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option."

to end on a happy note i watched some cheetahnutsindiaoneworldlove ish and it wasn't the movie that made it fun, but the people i was with. so thanks for making my last night home a cute one.

haiku for the day:

so long sweet summer

the olympics were fun but

time for school, oh Lord.

Twelve.

12 more days till i move out. i don't feel like being profound or giving some good insight into my feelings as of now, because frankly i'm lazy. However i will tell you that i love the olympics i want to go in 2012 it'll be in London, who wants to go? Oh and i believe that my laziness has reached a whole new level in the fact that i get so lazy to turn on my laptop which is why many of you haven't seen me online in a while. Great timing right? i'm so lazy and school starts soon lovely. So expect a more exciting post later about my thoughts on moving soon.

For now enjoy my new haikus:

School starts soon, oh no

i don't want freshman fifteen

i want to shop please

Olympics are fun

i wish i could swim like phelps

first i need floaties

the graduated life.

"Its the good life better than the life I live When I thought that I was gonna go crazy" - Good life: Kanye west
i found this very fitting to this blog. have you ever noticed that once you've graduated from any school and need to go back for various reasons the faculty and staff are so much nicer and relaxed. i've had to go back to providence twice since i've graduated and now all the teaches and office people act like they wanna be my new best friend, asking me questions about the future and sharing their own personal stories about when their children went off to college. it's cute, but weird haha. i guess once you're out of their everyday routine and aren't giving them any problems or grey hairs they love/appreciate you so much more. it's weird having to go back to providence, i feel like i'm not even part of it anymore. i saw some kiddies who i'm guessing will be freshman wondering who i was and acting like it was their school, oh please. i suppose you can say it was naive of me to feel that since i wasn't going to providence next year and that i'm graduated, providence in some ways, should stop too. but they don't, while every class leaves they get ready in anticipation for the next class to follow. new faces arrive and are welcomed, while familar faces take their leave and say goodbye.

anyway, i do love the whole not working and enjoying summer. don't get me wrong i'm so happy that i've finally graduated from there and don't have to worry about the, for a lack of better words, gay and ridicously homework. but i guess you can say that i will miss providence. when i went to go pick up my prom pictures i could remember all those mornings in the hallway when we'd sit on the floor, dread that untraditional bell ring and the groans/comments like "omg i didn't finish copying my homework" haha. well new begginings and new memories to come.

btw. haikus for the day:

goodbye my stye eye

you came senior year, fuck you

i won't forget you

oh my dear stye eye
now when people get a stye
they think of me, great
-sam

summer haikus

if you didn't know by now, i have discovered my lovely talent of haiku making.
earlier in the summer i talked in haikus non-stop.hopefully i'll be able to write a new
haiku every day, but for now here are the ones i already wrote, enjoy :]

this haiku goes to
nikki, you so ghetto girl
keep up the good work

carissa for you
family guy is so cool
giraffes for you too

i have a haiku
it is not about your head
hooray, i am nice

tracey carlos wo
hello eyebrow piercing thug
speed racer wooho

just for jonathan
no big head like justin fool
marry kobe, wo

i have some cookies
they are gonda sized, yay
lets clap, horray sam

my hairkus are cute
let me enjoy my talent
no haiku fighting

gonda is born, yay
18 years ago today
chubby asian cute

claudi will cut you
do not get loud wi'h her bitch
bikers can go die

the start of a new blogger.

since so many have blogspots, i decided to make my own.
well to be honest the real reason why i made this was cause i saw stella moon's haha :]
yay stella, so i wanted to make my own too. a special shoutout to tracey carlos for helping me
understand blogspot lingo <3.