thoughts.

my thoughts are quite scattered right now. And I don't really know what I'm writing about, but I'm just letting it flow.

I hate it when people ask me, "so tell me about yourself." How do you describe yourself in a few words? Yeah you can give them a list of adjectives that'll somewhat categorize your personality, but in no way do they define the person you are. Your actions speak louder than your words. In all honesty, I have issues describing myself. I hate those things on myspace, facebook, etc. that say "about me." Because where do you start? I know there only there to help give people a little information about who you are, but still I find that hard. Thats why I often don't fill them out.

But I am determined to figure out how to answer that question, and be happy with my answer. This is my attempt to describe what I think about myself: I don't know what I want. I am very very very complicated. I over think and I stress myself out to much. I love my family even though at times I can hate the things they do. I've realized that since my nephew was born I've learned to care more. I fall for people easily and I fall hard. I procrastinate way to much. I'm scared at the thought of being alone when I'm older. I think the person I am today was due in part of the way I was raised and the people I chose as my friends. To be perfectly honest I'm not sure if I want to be a nurse the rest of my life. I don't think its uncertainty about being a nurse, its me being uncertain whether or not I can actually do it. I doubt myself way too much, but yet I don't know how to fix that. I like opening doors for people. Its a habit for me to say sorry about the little things, like accidently running into people or spilling something even if its not my fault. But its hard for me to say sorry for the bigger things, or to admit I was wrong. I think I'm funny sometimes, but not always. I think I'm always going to be a little kid at heart, no matter what. When I see old people by themselves in the grocery store or anywhere for that matter, and their alone with no one to help them, I think about what if that was my parents or if that's going to be me and I scare myself. I know I can be mean and I'm jokingly mean to my friends all the time, but thats just the way I am. But I do care about people and I don't think anyone should ever take my jokingly mean-ness seriously. In fact, thats how you can tell if I'm comfortable with you or not, if I make fun of you. I am both a lover and a fighter. I don't physically fight with people, but I verbally fight with people and it is what it is. I do hold grudges but not many. I have a lot of secrets, some that I don't think I'll tell anyone ever. I know I'm not perfect, which sounds so cliche but true. I can admit that I'm not perfect and still I'm happy with the person I am. I just want to be a good person, which at heart, I know I am, but I could be better.

Thats all I can think of right now. Be happy with yourself, Be happy with your life, just be happy.

oh & ps. if you really took the time out to read that, thanks really.